Sometimes it really urks me that I can’t change places with my husband for a week to make him understand what it’s like to be a mother. (As a bonus, it would be at the start of a period.)
No matter how much he tries to help, how patient or supportive he is, or how long I leave him alone to solo parent while I mill about Target, he will never have the full picture of motherhood. Not really.
But that’s okay. We are different people and we have different roles. We were made to be a team, to utilize our unique strengths and accomplish different objectives.
That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try to understand each other, though. While my husband can’t be a mother (or have a period), I can help him to see through my perspective things he might not realize as a husband, father, and man.
Here are eight of the things I want him to know about motherhood.
Eight Aspects of Motherhood I Want My Husband to Understand
#1. Motherhood is always changing
I don’t know what I’m doing.
Or at least, I don’t feel like I know what I’m doing.
Everyone has a different opinion on how I should be doing my job.
Most days I feel in way over my head.
I’m left questioning almost everything I do.
My day is full of so many choices, both big and small, that I’ve hit decision fatigue by 10 am.
I don’t know if I’m a good mom.
#2. Motherhood is time consuming
Sometimes just emptying the dishwasher takes the entire day.
Every task I try to tackle, I’m interrupted at least a hundred and fifty times.
Simple jobs like starting a load of laundry or making lunch take 10 times longer with kids than when I was alone.
Some days, that one task I accomplished was exhausting and exasperating.
#3. Motherhood can be isolating
I need a partner and companion, not another child.
I love that you’re silly with our child.
I love your goofy faces and whacky voices.
But when you interact with me, I need you to be a grown up. I need as much maturity as you can muster.
Because I’ve spent my entire day in a little people’s world. I need someone who can be an adult with me and provide me with fellowship.
And I love your energy, but I’ve been stimulated out the wazoo every second of my day, so I really appreciate when you bring a bit of calm into my life.
#4. Motherhood is a real job
I’ve been “at work” all day too.
I need you to remember that just because you get to leave home to go to work doesn’t mean that what I’ve been doing all day at home isn’t work.
My job is your home. It’s not always going to look like that (see #3). But human lives depend on me to show up, and I work hard around the clock.
I know you’ve been at work all day, but I have too, so I really appreciate when you can help with housework or childcare.
#5. Motherhood is emotional
As a wife, a mom, and a woman, my emotions can get a little crazy.
It’s not personal.
So many different things demand my energy and attention all the time, that I reach the end of my rope pretty frequently. Probably more than it seems like I should.
But I don’t get a lot of time for me, to be alone with my thoughts, and so I don’t have a lot of opportunity to sort through how I’m feeling and figure out what’s important and what’s not.
So in the end, I get overwhelmed, and I might blow up in a variety of different ways. Some days I seem unreasonably angry. Others you’ll get a flood of tears. Once in a while, I just won’t feel like talking.
It’s (usually) not your fault. It isn’t personal. I need your patience. My role as a mother is constantly changing, and just when I think I have it figured out, it changes again. I’m still learning and growing.
#6. Motherhood is all-encompassing
I don’t have any separation between personal life and work life.
I’m always on call, and it’s exhausting. I need your help to get out of the house sometimes, and even more importantly, to get some time to myself in the house.
It’s hard to feel like I can take a break because everywhere I look, there’s always more I can do. More I need to do. I don’t get to just come home and ‘start fresh tomorrow.’ I live in my office and my work is my life.
#7. Motherhood is draining
Sometimes the thing I need most is a little space.
I’ve been touched all. day. long.
I need a little time to unwind and decompress before I can transition from mom-mode into wife-mode.
Again, it’s not personal when I don’t seem very affectionate and lovey when you first get home. It’s been a long day, and the greatest thing you could give me is probably a few minutes to myself.
#8. Motherhood is amazing
Most importantly, I want you to know that I love what I do.
I love this crazy role of motherhood, and that I get to do this with you by my side.
I love having your babies and raising a family together.
I love parenting. I love giving you a home to return to.
Being a mama is my calling. It’s ridiculously hard, and I know I complain (more than I should), but I love who I am.
I love being a mother.
What do you want your husband to know about motherhood? Drop it in the comments below!
If you liked this post, you might also enjoy:
- Strategies to be a Calmer, Happier Mom
- Why We Need to View Motherhood as a Career Path
- Maintaining Your Identity When You’re a Stay-At-Home-Mom
- The Beginner’s Guide to Instinctive Parenting